Hey, Are You Single?

That was the subject line of an email that just popped into my inbox from a company called Zoosk.*

As a copywriter (with experience writing subject lines), I commend them. Questions are always a smart tactic and touching upon consumers’ pain points usually results in high open rates.

But, as a woman, NAH.

This is something I’ve been struggling with recently. I, myself, have no need (or interest) in letting someone new into my life, but the world around me seems to think it’s necessary. Every single day, I’m bombarded by messaging that suggests my life is incomplete unless I’m in a relationship.

Even my friends play into this messaging. Constantly demanding that I try out dating apps or drunkenly informing me that I am doing something wrong by not actively pursuing the D.

I have tried out some apps, but it was really hard to stay interested in anything that resulted in a twentysomething boy asking me if my parents had named me because of Helen Keller.

Great pick up line.

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that I’m pretty freaking happy alone. Okay, I know this blog makes it seem otherwise, but when I’m not sending out emo vibes into the internet, I’ve got what you’d call a sunny disposition on life.

I’d like to also point out that I derive no greater pleasure from anything other than escaping to a quiet corner in a café to read or write by myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I definitely love socializing, but does that have to have a dude involved?

Of course, I understand the fact that, like, biologically I’m going to be driven to reproduce (Ew. Reproduce. How terrible is that word? And can we talk about the pregnancy belly button for a second??? NO THANK YOU! I do not need any part of me to pop out). Still, I know that a part of me will be hoping to make a baby. But I’m pretty sure that it isn’t strong enough to convince me to actually go through with it.

Then again, even if I did find someone who got the libido shimmying, I’d be terrified if they were actually interested in me. Anyone who would stay interested someone who enjoys twelve-hour Lord of the Rings marathons (extended editions, of course), talks about pooping on a regular basis, and pukes before turning into a zombie at music festivals is seriously unhinged…

Not to mention the fact that I have serious doubts about anyone who could stay attracted to this:

So here’s my open letter to the world around me: let’s reclaim the word “Spinster!” I’m ready to own the fact that I’m a crazy cat lady at the age of 26. (Sorry, mom).

And Zoosk, to answer your question, Hellz yeah I’m single AF!! and I plan on staying that way. PEACE.

 

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