I know very well that I’m a pretty big freak. I also know that there’s nothing I can do to change that.
BUT what I have worked hard to do is hide it. It seemed to have been working, too. Like, a lot of people thought I was a pretty normal girl. I painted my nails, watched Hart of Dixie, and spent hours dreaming about what my life would be like if I were Lorde.
Then this weekend happened. I waved one of my biggest freak flags at a music festival for any and all to see. And let me tell you, there are no take-backs in life.
I can’t just be like, “Haha. That was such a funny joke. Remember how funny that joke was? You guys thought that was real-life but I was just joking!”
Nope. That doesn’t work. Trust me, I tried…
So sadly my story continues down the path of absolute and utter shame for me. YIPEE! Let’s keep reading.
Before this weekend, there were only a select few people who knew about the way I sleep. Why don’t I want anyone to know about my sleeping habits? Because they’re super freaking creepy, that’s why.
I am definitely no Sleeping Beauty. In my hypothetical love story no man will lean over and think “oh my, doesn’t she look so lovely as she dreams.”
Instead, he’ll lean over and be like “What the f#%$??” Ah, a romance to span the ages.
So, why would my potential lover have such an abhorrent reaction to my resting figure?
Because. I sleep. Like a mummy.
Wondering what I mean by that? Oh, let me tell you. For some reason the only way that I can fall asleep is on my back with my arms crossed over my chest like I’m about to be put into a tomb. I don’t know why. I don’t know if there’s a way to change it. But that’s the way I sleep. Like I’m preparing for death…
This weekend I decided to do a little day drinking. Day drinking always ends in me needing to nap. Like NEEDING to nap. Like move over homeless man because I day drank and that street corner is mine.
Luckily this weekend I was in a park so there was an entire field for me to fall asleep in. AND luckily this weekend I had a hero of a best friend to shield me from being stepped on. Kudos to her. Seriously, I owe her lots of pizza.
UNluckily I fell asleep like I was about to be loaded into a Hearse…for EVERYONE at the festival to see.
To quote my friends’ boyfriend, “I just remember Kellen sleeping like a mummy and you looking really angry at everyone.”
Yep. Looks like I’ll be spending a lot of time trying to train myself not to sleep like a Twilight enthusiast…
Wish me luck?